Relationship failures.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy relationships.

Fact. Relationship fail for a lot of reasons, all depends on the couple and sometimes how they treat each other. As I gather some information (officemates, friends, family, strangers.. chos!) on what reasons, these are the top ten reasons relationship fail to shed some light that turns to breakups.

Warning. All couples face these issues in their relationship but not all of them lead to breakups. *defensive.*

1. promises (broken promises, i might add) lying, cheating

these very much obvious violations of trust. if the basic trust in a relationship repeatedly broken, over and over again, problems increase, motivation of staying together.. down! couples should learn to reconcile, forgive each other and accept their differences without anger and bitterness.

2. 'power' in the relationship

couples may be more likely to break up when there is a dominant decision maker than the other. when one person makes all the decisions about activities, friends, vacations and everything else.. the relationship isn't balanced anymore and it becomes unstable. both partners should be equally share the power of making a decision! isang malaking check!

3. stereotypes (lame!)

this is one of the lamest reason a couple shouldn't do! this is just madness! chos! mistaken gender myths such as, 'men should earn more money than women' or 'women should likely to stay at home that men.' this is just.. pure.. blah!

4. isolation or we-are-sociopaths-couple

i may or may not agree with these one but yes, it is one of the reasons. you know that new couples tend to isolate themselves from the outside world because 'they are inlove and want to be together all the time' ANSABEH? a brief period of isolation from the main environment is normal but its way far healthier to interact with other normal people diba?

5. facts and myths about each other

there's a difficulty in building a better relationship or healthy love relationship if one is not aware of their partner's interest, need, plans, goals and other kachuvahan. knowledge in these kind of stuff help you communicate well on what they are and what they want in the relationship, which on the other hand prevent problems. :)

6. insecurities.

funny part on concluding this one is i have a friend who constantly says she is not worthy of being loved by her jowa or she didn't feel loved something. basta ganon! and in psychology, insecurity, low self esteem or lack of self confidence can lead to possesiveness and dependence. doesn't sound healthy right?

7. JEALOUSY! epic.

hindi naman lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat ang bagay na to. (nanosebleed na ko kaka-english) no matter what type of jealousy pa yan (delusional, normal, extreme) jealousy is jealousy. it is frustrating, annoying, painful, embarrassing and devastating to a relationship.

8. ineffective communication.

both should be able to share everything, well not totally everything but the thoughts, feelings, opinion, values, even frustrations and happiness! there is some couple who avoid to talk honestly with their partner and hide their true selves. many people believed that the no. 1 secret to maintaining a healthy relationship is having good and constant communication. it keeps the relationship bonded and flowing. :)

9. control issues

this is somewhat the 'power' issue but this is way much more. power and control are two of the most significant issues in any relationship. the more trouble the relationship is facing, the more of these power and control issues will resurface. many people said that this should be a 'guy thing', but this is 20th century people. everyone is equal. :)

10. picking faults

relationships require a certain tolerance of others’ weaknesses. relationship should be able to cope with constructive criticism and suggestions but that doesn't mean we stop ourselves on noticing whats wrong or the bad things. and if you become too critical it will cause long term problems.

i am no expert in these stuff, me myself experienced/experiencing this things as well. but there is something called, the magic of making up. :)

you shouldn't sacrifice all the good memories for the bad ones right? and as for the quote from the movie 'the vow' said, you should't sacrifice all the good things the person have done just because he made one bad thing. :)

FIRST LOVE. ♥

I know that we shouldn't be talking about our firsts love and heatbreaks when you're happily commited or whatever. Sabi nga nila mali pa ang lumingon sa nakaraan. Ayun o! But I know, deep down inside our heart and soul, iba talaga ang first love. Nandyan pa rin yan sa mga sulok sulok ng ventricles ng puso mo. It's not wrong, first love eh. Hindi naten maalis na epic talaga sila. :D

Out of many events in our life, one of these is the your first love. You may call them as puppy love, chuva love o kung ano mang love. What makes it important? It's the time when you actually don't understand the true meaning of love and then it became more important than anything else in your life.. at that time.

Eh ano nga ba ang basis ng first love? Theoretically, first love can happen in any age or not happen at all. But most of the 'normal' people, they fallen in love for the first time when they were teenagers. Eh yung excited ka pang magjowa at maramdaman lahat ng napapanood mo at nababasa mo. In that age, we mostly enjoys ourselves and study those new emotions in our fragile heart.

Well, yes. I, myself, very much experienced this kind of teeny bopper love. Hindi naman masyadong bata, sa edad na 13 years old ay naramdaman ko na to. First year high school. But most of the girls I knew, regret their first loves/boyfriends. Maybe it's a little tragic or too childish for them to admit that they fallen in love with someone at a very young age. Tragic or its a dream come true, cherish it. First love never dies, as they say.

I have never ever regret the first guy who I fell in love with. Seriously. I think. :) Feeling ko, he's one of the factors that's why I never have a short-period relationship until now. In fact, grateful ako na sya ang first love ko. Great guy. Never in our 6-month relationship that we encounter HUGE fight. Actually, we never fought at all. As in never. (sa pagkakatanda ko. haha!) He never gave me that 'trauma factor' when it comes to relationship.

So maybe the definition of first love lies in us. How you define and give meaning to the those 2 words is what makes those kilig and understated feeling your FIRST LOVE. :D

WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO? :(

At dahil broken hearted ako ngayon at medyo may sakit. why not coconut at mag-emote? Isabay mo na sa ingay ng ulan para melo-dramatic talaga ang dating. :) Anyway, this goes to everyone who one way or another experienced, experiencing or will be experiencing (at least alam mo na.) a broken heart. *sabay tugtog ng 4 SEASONS OF LONELINESS.*

At one point in our life, we experienced ‘heart broken’. Hindi tayo decepticon o autobots para maging excempted. The intense grief, emptiness, sadness, anger, confusion, heaviness of emotional kachorvahan. Depending on the kind of person you are and the situation, break-ups can be traumatic enough to affect your emotional and physical health. They may say that no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you’re suffering from one, it sure doesn’t feel that way, at least as of now. Most people will tell you that you’ll get over it or you’ll meet someone else, pero hindi eh. It seems easier said than done. As a person of psychological studies (charot!) these may be the ways I learned to get over these kaimbyernang feeling. Suggestion ko lang to ha. May freedom of choice tayo. :)

1.) Be aware of your real intentions

Gusto mo bang mag-move on and move past the break-up? Or mega hopeful ka pa na babalik si ex? Define your emotional goal. You can’t move on until you’ve truly accepted that the relationship is over. :)

2.) Make a clean break

Huwag gawing hobby ang pakikipagbreak. Don’t do the ‘on-again-off-again’ routine. I swear papahirapan mo ng bonggang bongga ang baga at puso mo. Also, resist the urge to call your ex. How do you know if you are over your ex? That’s the million-dollar question! A good indication is when you no longer want to get back together with the person. Kaya mo yun! Additionally, when the thought of your ex having a relationship with someone else doesn’t affect you which is.. well, a long process, i guess! Although you might not necessarily be ‘happy’ for him/her, but if you have gotten over your ex, you won’t care either way. Taray!

3.) Don’t get self-destructive

Maging incredible hulk ang peg? NO NO! trying to hurt yourself or someone else, drinking or taking drugs to become numb and feel better, or locking yourself up in a dark room DOES NOT help your situation. These things don’t actually deal with the pain, they only MASK it, which only worsen the agony. GUSTO MO YON?!

4.) Share your feelings

It could be with a friend or family member. Talking is a great way to cleanse your body and soul and ease your tension. take it from me :) keri lang ang pagiging emotera sa harap ng friends o kay papa o mama. The important part is to share it with someone you know who listens and understands you :)

5.) Cry it out

CRY, CRY AND CRY. There is one study which proved that you will feel good after you cry :) Krumayola ng walang humpay. Okay lang yan. As long it will soothe your pain and your heart. Getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help, so it’s okay to cry as much as needed. :)

6.) Give your heart time to heal

It takes time for sadness to go away. I swear this will took A LOT OF TIME. Getting over a break-up can take a couple of days to many weeks — and sometimes even months. But, give yourself time. Hindi yan ung mga bagay na pagkagising mo ay okay ka na. Matatagalan, but i swear.. IT WILL BE WORTH IT. :)

7.) Keep yourself busy

This can be difficult when you’re coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. Kung peg mo maging workaholic, gow! Just don’t push yourself too much. Just make sure you busy yourself with positive activitie tulad ng maglinis ng bahay nyo, linisin mo na din ang bahay ng kapitbahay nyo! Or maging red cross ka sa baranggay nyo. :) Don’t get self destructive. GASTOS LANG YAN!

8.) Remind yourself of your good qualities

Often people with broken hearts blame themselves for what happened. Getting your self-esteem back on track is the key to your recovery. Wag sisihin ang sarili sa pagkasira ng relasyon, there is always a reason for everything. :)

9) Focus on yourself

You’re going through a tough time, so do the things that make you feel good again. Magpa-Basha ka ng buhok. Magpa-spa ka from head to toe. Nothing beats the feelingof being beautiful everyday :)

10.) Learn from the break-up

Take the positives from it, and even more importantly, learn from the negatives. Take it as a reference in your future relationship. :) There’s nothing worse than bringing your negative habits along with you to future relationships, because you’ll just end up with the same result until you learn from your mistakes.

and last..

11.) Take charge

Find the courage to pull yourself out of this kalokohan. Take charge of yourself and you will find that there actually is life after ‘What’s-His-Name’! You just need to make the decision so you can move on. :))

Take tiny steps each day and you will be amazed that you are starting to feel better. Lean on your friends and family, and remember, time will heal all wounds.

How to Stop Being a Jealous, Paranoid Girlfriend

The last Entourage episode gave me the creeps. In particular, the break up scene when Eric called his gf (now ex-GF) crazy for asking to look at his emails, viewing his phone call history and listening to his voice mail. The whole scene… from the time the girl accused her BF of infidelity without any solid evidence, to the scene when she said “you’re a liar” when the guy has been nothing but sincere with her.

Why was I creeped out? Because at one point in the past, I was like that. Yep, the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head whenever a boyfriend would so much as look at another girl. I was told I have a scary “angry-stare”, and I know a few girls who might have felt like I wanted to maul them when they so much as touch the tip of my boyfriend’s fingernail.

This post is all about how I moved out from the crazy, jealous, paranoid girl mentality to a somewhat-secure, still-crazy, mature woman.

Is it really all about insecurity?

It’s easy to say a jealous girlfriend has a lot of insecurities inside her skull which contributes to her paranoia, but I think there’s another factor involved… relationship experience.

You’re bound to be the jealous type if your old boyfriend was very jealous. Let’s face it, no one really knows how to make a relationship work on the first try, and we somehow rely on our partner to help us establish a relationship pattern. I mean, you put together an idea of what a ‘perfect relationship’ should be based on what you experienced in the past. Your friends might also have contributed to your notion of how to run relationships. Girls share what they know with their gal pals and they learn the ropes together. It’s like the blind leading the blind until someone actually stumbles on some golden nuggets of relationship advice.

How to Stop Being a Crazy, Paranoid Girlfriend? – Two Suggestions.

1. Give Him a “Grace Period”

It will take a while before the ‘couple’ switch in his brain activates, so it won’t do any good to force him to change instantly. Some men won’t instantly change his lifestyle just because they have a girlfriend.

If you begin your dating life with the thought that your partner SHOULD automatically shut off other women from his life just because he already has a girlfriend, you’re setting yourself up for a heartbreak every time reality tells you this is not the case. He may still go out with his friends to meet women, still flirt with his hot friend and still go to places where single men hang out. If you get jealous every time one or all of these things happen, your first months together will become very rocky and stressful.

2. Value His Privacy

Reading someone else’s mail is a no-no, even if that guy is your boyfriend and you’re only glancing at his mail. Some couples exchange email passwords to show that they trust each other… bad idea. My wake up call came when a guy told me in his usual no-nonsense way that giving guy's heart to me does not mean he no longer has the right to his own privacy.

Even if you don’t mind showing your mail to your boyfriend, don’t ask to see his. To most men (and to most people), getting their mail opened by another person is the psychological equivalent of another person wearing their undies without permission or another person watching them while they do their business inside the toilet.

One last thing…. being paranoid or jealous is STRESSFUL, which won’t do anything for your looks. So, quit.

credits to someone on their thoughts.