Relationship failures.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy relationships.

Fact. Relationship fail for a lot of reasons, all depends on the couple and sometimes how they treat each other. As I gather some information (officemates, friends, family, strangers.. chos!) on what reasons, these are the top ten reasons relationship fail to shed some light that turns to breakups.

Warning. All couples face these issues in their relationship but not all of them lead to breakups. *defensive.*

1. promises (broken promises, i might add) lying, cheating

these very much obvious violations of trust. if the basic trust in a relationship repeatedly broken, over and over again, problems increase, motivation of staying together.. down! couples should learn to reconcile, forgive each other and accept their differences without anger and bitterness.

2. 'power' in the relationship

couples may be more likely to break up when there is a dominant decision maker than the other. when one person makes all the decisions about activities, friends, vacations and everything else.. the relationship isn't balanced anymore and it becomes unstable. both partners should be equally share the power of making a decision! isang malaking check!

3. stereotypes (lame!)

this is one of the lamest reason a couple shouldn't do! this is just madness! chos! mistaken gender myths such as, 'men should earn more money than women' or 'women should likely to stay at home that men.' this is just.. pure.. blah!

4. isolation or we-are-sociopaths-couple

i may or may not agree with these one but yes, it is one of the reasons. you know that new couples tend to isolate themselves from the outside world because 'they are inlove and want to be together all the time' ANSABEH? a brief period of isolation from the main environment is normal but its way far healthier to interact with other normal people diba?

5. facts and myths about each other

there's a difficulty in building a better relationship or healthy love relationship if one is not aware of their partner's interest, need, plans, goals and other kachuvahan. knowledge in these kind of stuff help you communicate well on what they are and what they want in the relationship, which on the other hand prevent problems. :)

6. insecurities.

funny part on concluding this one is i have a friend who constantly says she is not worthy of being loved by her jowa or she didn't feel loved something. basta ganon! and in psychology, insecurity, low self esteem or lack of self confidence can lead to possesiveness and dependence. doesn't sound healthy right?

7. JEALOUSY! epic.

hindi naman lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat ang bagay na to. (nanosebleed na ko kaka-english) no matter what type of jealousy pa yan (delusional, normal, extreme) jealousy is jealousy. it is frustrating, annoying, painful, embarrassing and devastating to a relationship.

8. ineffective communication.

both should be able to share everything, well not totally everything but the thoughts, feelings, opinion, values, even frustrations and happiness! there is some couple who avoid to talk honestly with their partner and hide their true selves. many people believed that the no. 1 secret to maintaining a healthy relationship is having good and constant communication. it keeps the relationship bonded and flowing. :)

9. control issues

this is somewhat the 'power' issue but this is way much more. power and control are two of the most significant issues in any relationship. the more trouble the relationship is facing, the more of these power and control issues will resurface. many people said that this should be a 'guy thing', but this is 20th century people. everyone is equal. :)

10. picking faults

relationships require a certain tolerance of others’ weaknesses. relationship should be able to cope with constructive criticism and suggestions but that doesn't mean we stop ourselves on noticing whats wrong or the bad things. and if you become too critical it will cause long term problems.

i am no expert in these stuff, me myself experienced/experiencing this things as well. but there is something called, the magic of making up. :)

you shouldn't sacrifice all the good memories for the bad ones right? and as for the quote from the movie 'the vow' said, you should't sacrifice all the good things the person have done just because he made one bad thing. :)

HAPPY 2012!

Its better late than never, mate! Wew! As i checked, i posted here last September pa. That long! I'm on my 'talkative' mood. I'll try my best to give you the best details without ruining anyone's reputation. Destructive 'to! Chos! Syempre joke lang yon. Joke lang talaga yon.

So let's start, shall we?

It's 2012 people. (obvious ba?)

And everything has changed. And when I say everything. From head to toe! From work to personal thingies. It's a good change though. Good change that I became a bad person in months! (Labo lang.)

I just started reading again. Reading means absorbing, choosing the right books and right genres. I just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love. Veronica decides to die. Love and war and so on and so forth. These are good books by the way. So good you want to change your path in your life once you finished reading it. Try it! Now na! I usually read the books on pdf, tapos tsaka ko sya bibilin and see if worth it ba. (300 pesos in a book is no easy decision.) Except for the Love and war. My kind officemate let me borrow it after reading a few pages and then i got hooked but for the rest ganyan ang kalakaran.

(being talkative starts to wear off.)

What else?

Well, no love life muna tong post na to. No bad vibes please! *may ganon! BITTER!*

I started blogging. Ok.

I started being paranoid, bipolar and extremely unreasonable human being. Let me add, it gets worse. I don't know what's going on my floating brain these days but it gets worse and worse na dumating sa point na parang baliw na ko talaga. (parang lang guys ha.) It's not the hormones or the weather or the pressure or the stress.. basta ganun lang sya. Oh diba, na-enlighten kayo. Baka naman lahat tayo dumadating talaga sa point na 'to. Di kaya? Oo na lang.

Enough about me. Kasi baka masira pa ang reputasyon ko sa sobrang honest at narcissistic ko.

I just realized, as in at these very moment ko lang to narealize, na.. friendship sucks. Well not all. Pero when you re-evaluate them, parang you have so many friends that you invest time, love and effort tapos one day.. poof.. gone.

In psychology, there are factors that makes draw people together as friends. Common interest. Common values. Equality. Well this is all true. But what if.. all these three factors changed? You changed your interest, the values and the equality between you.

I, for example, loves to hang out lang sa places ng mga friends ko when I was like 19 or keme. But now, since i discovered that travelling is way much more exciting, intimate and fun, that my friend is a changed of interest. Pano na yon? Sino mag-aadjust?

I am very much aware that I am possessive in a way. O sige na nga, in many ways. I don't like being lied for someone else. Okay enough. No bad reputation on the way.

Anyway, promise on my next post wala na tong sumpong ko and I'll post something na worth it basahin. Hmp!

Night!

BLUE VALENTINE

What a disappointment! Chos! I would recommend it if you came from a break-up and finding another human being with the same situation. Syempre joke lang yun. :) I never notice Ryan Gosling in his movies not until I watched the movie. Thumbs up if you like depressive-romantic-heartbroken type of movies, well obviously im not.

The movie felt like '500 Days of Summer' meets 'Revolutionary Road'. The dark and heart-wrenching marriage scenes were tempered by those sweet 'young love' scenes. A crazy-in-love couple in a magical world of their own. It was scary to see their relationship go from romance to wrong man. tsk. tsk. So i suggest you guys will watch so I'll know kung negative film lang talaga ko o may pinaghuhugutan ako. HAHAHA.

I mean, what's the point of watching romantic movies if they just end up with break ups? There is absolutely nothing romantic about that!

I think my soul just died at the end of the movie! Honestly, as i watched it, half way through it and im already depressed. Michelle Williams was adorable. Ryan Gosling was so oozing hot the entire movie! :)

Why don't you watch it and let's see what the future holds. Labo.com. :)

How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that.

"You made a promise to me... You said for better or worse. It was a promise. This is my worse... But I'm gonna get better."

THE FIRST BROKEN HEART.

I was thinking of putting together my recent posts and this one. kaso feeling ko sobrang haba nya at pati ako tatamarin basahin. And these were two precious experiences, so they deserve their own spotlight. :)

Here goes..

Einstein once said that how on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics, so important a biological phenomenon as first love?

Every heartbreak is a valuable lesson. So, what makes your first heartbreak significant to all? I just can't exactly put into words what I feel about the fact that its something special that will it last forever, because you learn and mature from it. Your very first disappointment. Bitter lang ba? Nope.

I have heard some extreme and most heartbreaking stories. Eh syempre i-share ko sya sa inyo. The beautiful feeling of first love has been destroyed in my very own eyes as I watched the girl on one of my favorite couples break her fragile and innocent heart.

They were dating since the day began. They were each other's firsts. They have plans on marrying each other. They were dating for five years by the way. I heard plans from the guy that he wanted to marry my friend too. It just showed me how deeply they are devoted to each other and what a great feeling it was to be inlove in such a pure way. A few weeks later though, she found out that her boyfriend sort of 'backing out' on the plan because his parents wouldn't approve of her. She couldn't believe that years of devotion, passion and love could just be taken away because she did not get one single approval. So, they broke up. Weeks followed, she was almost physically unable to face the world out of her own grief and yes, it was heartbreaking to just watch one great love dying down.

Well. I have my own version of my first ever heartbreak. As in damang dama na heart break. Prior to my former blog, obviously that one great love is AN ANCIENT HISTORY, meaning.. IT ENDED. It was an eight-year old memory but gaaaad. it was one of hell of a pain. I'm not over reacting naman. Realistically speaking, in my part, I can still feel the pain of it. You felt that it was the worst feeling in the world, literally, at that time. You felt that you are breathing but not breathing at the same time. Your heart beat so fast and you feel it is breaking into two. There is a time pa, na sobrang emote ko.. magwawalis lang ako sa bahay, kumkrayola ako. EH DALA NG KABATAAN. It was hard, yes. Yung mga kakilala ko who eventually knew what happened they have the same thing over and over again that always burst me to tears, "Sayang naman." But as I look back and recall those memories, funny but I felt proud. Proud that I overcome those painful experiences and made me what I am today. Strong. :)

How many of us have learnt the lesson in our first heartbreak?

The remarkable and that negative experience taught us one thing. To experience falling in love truly for the first time. However, we must face the fact that goodness of it does not lasts forver.

It's not wrong to be preoccupied by your thoughts of pag-eemote along your bintana or when you're on a bus because you are young! It doesn't matter if you're one of those smart or yung mga nakanta ng stupid love dyan sa kanto. It's NORMAL! Don't worry. You will be fine. You haven't lost your sense of direction. You are just in a state of mental numbness because your ego was shattered into pieces. At this age, that’s something you can recover from by listening to shitty music for a month. Take it from Taylor Swift. :)

Seriously, no that you all want to hear it, but being heart broken right now might be the best thing for us. Heartbreak sucks and all, YES. But it's better to learn that negative experience now at least you have a plenty of time to back up. You can't do it when you have a life to consider.

Trust me, there is someone out there who is experiencing those heartbreaks. It might be worst. So, congratulations on your first heartbreak! :D

FIRST LOVE. ♥

I know that we shouldn't be talking about our firsts love and heatbreaks when you're happily commited or whatever. Sabi nga nila mali pa ang lumingon sa nakaraan. Ayun o! But I know, deep down inside our heart and soul, iba talaga ang first love. Nandyan pa rin yan sa mga sulok sulok ng ventricles ng puso mo. It's not wrong, first love eh. Hindi naten maalis na epic talaga sila. :D

Out of many events in our life, one of these is the your first love. You may call them as puppy love, chuva love o kung ano mang love. What makes it important? It's the time when you actually don't understand the true meaning of love and then it became more important than anything else in your life.. at that time.

Eh ano nga ba ang basis ng first love? Theoretically, first love can happen in any age or not happen at all. But most of the 'normal' people, they fallen in love for the first time when they were teenagers. Eh yung excited ka pang magjowa at maramdaman lahat ng napapanood mo at nababasa mo. In that age, we mostly enjoys ourselves and study those new emotions in our fragile heart.

Well, yes. I, myself, very much experienced this kind of teeny bopper love. Hindi naman masyadong bata, sa edad na 13 years old ay naramdaman ko na to. First year high school. But most of the girls I knew, regret their first loves/boyfriends. Maybe it's a little tragic or too childish for them to admit that they fallen in love with someone at a very young age. Tragic or its a dream come true, cherish it. First love never dies, as they say.

I have never ever regret the first guy who I fell in love with. Seriously. I think. :) Feeling ko, he's one of the factors that's why I never have a short-period relationship until now. In fact, grateful ako na sya ang first love ko. Great guy. Never in our 6-month relationship that we encounter HUGE fight. Actually, we never fought at all. As in never. (sa pagkakatanda ko. haha!) He never gave me that 'trauma factor' when it comes to relationship.

So maybe the definition of first love lies in us. How you define and give meaning to the those 2 words is what makes those kilig and understated feeling your FIRST LOVE. :D