late.. kong nakita =)

Happy Birthday awtskoh!!!

awtskoh,

Happy Birthday! We hope you have a great day!

Celebrate, have fun, and take lots of pictures! :-)

thanks blingee! =)

diary of a broken heart

this post is dedicated to all those going through difficult matters of the heart!

"diary of a broken heart." this was my planned title for a diary-of-sorts that i wanted to write when i was broken hearted. i thought to myself what if isulat ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko araw araw sa loob ng isang taon, then i'd be able to read it when im healed, and see my journey from a new point of view, from denial to anger to bitterness to hope to healing and maybe it might help future broken hearts out there! but..

i've never had the strength to write it.

siguro dahil sa sobrang sakit, kapag naiisip kong magsulat, nananalo na lang ang kagustuhan kong magmukmok sa isang tabi kaysa mag-effort ako na mag-isip at mapagod magtype. ginusto ko na lang na wala akong intindihin. hanggang sa lumipas ang ilang linggo.. ilang buwan.. i went through all that kinds of emotions, until one day.. i find myself.. OKAY!

1. on advices..

kapag broken hearted ka.. no piece of advice will make you feel better. none. kahit ano walang effect. the only thing that you think will make you feel better is if the one you love says i love you too or still love you, but they wont. hugs will comfort you, concerned texts will make you smile, but no amount of advice will make you feel better. unless! unless, you, yourself, decide to let it all make you feel better. don't be pressured though to follow everyone's advice. kanya kanya lang yan. of the hundred cliché lines thrown at you at an attenot to make you feel better, most will not make you feel better- in fact, some will make you feel worse. but there will be a few major lines, not necessarily given by those closest to you, that will speak to you and touch your heart and soothe your soul. those pieces of advice, you should hold on to it.

2. on prayer.

a broken heart will wake up some days so helpless and wanting just stay in bed all day. some will even go all out in saying they want to die- but of course, you dont really want to die right? a broken heart will wake up some days feeling somewhat rested and peaceful, but with slight fear that they might encounter something that day that will bring back all the pain. whatever the mood a broken heart wakes up in, there is only one thing that can heal all things broken. our lord and personal savior, JESUS CHRIST.

3. on moving on.

dont be pressured! for some it takes weeks. for some it may takes months. and for some, years! but of course no one likes the pain that a broken heart brings. arrrray talaga grabe! but, you have to go through it! there is no short cut. there is no other way. go through it. go and let it out. cry before you sleep! cry when you wake up. cry in the bathroom. cry to your friends. lock yourself in the room. stay in bed all day.cry to your friends. don't talk to anyone for hours. make senti all you want. do it all. don't let anybody stop you. feel all those yuck, disgusting, heart-shattering feelings. curl it all up into this unbelievably sad ball, and one day, when you are ready, throw it all out into the window. it will happen for you. i know you feel it won't, that the day you will be okay will never come. but it will. have faith. it will.

from anna patricia

guys perspective. ....

If a guy is good looking,
Don't immediately assume he is a playa. Not every Will Smith is a Eric Bennet, so read beyond the fine print and you will be surprised. Don't deprive yourself a Mr Gorgeous because of fear of the unknown, think about the children, they'll be good looking, minus years of trying to convince them they are "beautiful" and being called to the school cause s/he roughed some kid who called them "Butt Face", "Mugabe", "Nkosazana Zuma", etc.

If a guy has a child w/another woman,
90% of the time, he'll go back to the woman. Either the woman will use the child to interrupt every moment you spend together, or the guy will realize he made a big mistake and go back to his "family". Chances of you winning over his child are nil, that's a battle you've already lost. Advice: Leave Mr Family Man or kill the child. Make your pick.

If a guy cheats on you,
He'll do it again. If you stay, he'll cheat even more. No woman can make a guy stop cheating, not even his mother. Cheaters are like a small kid, once they tasted sweets, no matter what you do or say, they'll find a way to get hold of them. Stop looking for water in a desert, because you'll find none.

Advice: Leave the looser and find a real man who'll give you his all OR stay with the cheat and be a subscriber of Kleenex Tissues, coz you will be weeping till you get to your grave. He might even find a girl to replace you, coz he doesn't really need you, or he'll keep you to cook for him and do his laundry, while he gets his groove on.

If a guy hits you,
Yes even if it's a slap - leave. If you stay, you have convinced him that it's okay if he beats you. Ladies, it is not love, it is lust. Stop
convincing yourself that "if you hit a child, it's because you love them." You are not a child and he is not your Parent. Do you go around beating up your bestfriends? Think about it!

If a guy says he loves you,
Probably he truly does. Make sure you can differentiate between being in love and being in lust. How to do that? Simple.
Does he cheat? Hit you? Insult you? Abuse you in anyway? If you answered "YES" to any of these, U ARE IN LUST - LEAVE!!!
Does he respect you? Makes you feel special? Treat you like a queen? If you answered "YES" to any of these, U ARE IN LOVE - YOU LUCKY FISH, HOLD ON TO WHAT YOU'VE GOT!!!
Ladies, Don't be a statistic by committing suicide, being in a coma from his beatings or die from Aids which he infected you with. There is always life after a break up, Brace yourselves women, you have come this far, don't disappoint! God will never let you down and if you are looking for LOVE, look within yourself and you will get enough.

bad day turned good =)

i believe in.. secret! basta, if cas 2a bs psych ka.. probably alam mo ang ikkwento kong to. well yung huli kong ikkwento! 230 pm ang class ko kanina. actually dpat 1030 am yun. but due to insufficient initiative ng CAS.. e namove nga. first class. soc scie. may pumalit na kay sir montojo na super uber crush ko- if intriguing sa inyo ang itsura niya, kilala niyo yung punong ministro sa JUMONG? ayyuun! carbon copy niya yun. I KNOW! ang cute noh!- anyway, hindi ko naman crush ang bagong prof kong ito. nagagalingan lang ako magturo sa kanya. grabe. ginanahan ako mag-aral dahil sa taong ito. siya nga ang naglinaw sa mura kong isipan na ang PLMun at UP ay magka-level lang. i knew it from the start! ha! if the way na magturo ang pag-uusapan, il rank him first. pero kay sir montojo pa rin ako! tsaka reliable yung mga facts and situation na sinasabi niya. the best for the mean time si sir johnny- babala: hindi tunay na pangalan.

second class. RETORIKA. medyo pa-pechay pechay lang ako sa asignatura kong ito. dahil sa isang simpleng dahilan. pa-pechay pechay din ang prof namin! bigyan mo lang ng ulam yun e! haha! basta, nakakabanas yung prof ko dun! period!

third class. CHEMISTRY. sabi nga ni raven.. (ppsss. COMMERCIAL! joven talaga yung name niya- bading siya actually- raven lang kasi ung ra- came from raymond ata yun! and -ven from joven! amazing.) back to the topic. magdala daw ng biogesic. paracetamol. decolgen. lahat na! at baka dumugo na naman ang lahat ng butas namin sa katawan dahil sa chem na yan! mabait naman yung prof namin.. pero mahirap talaga. sino ba may problema? kami ba o siya?

uwian na! at biglang umulan. kaya ayun, sobrang basa ang pants ko- wash day kasi namin ngaun. ng malapit na kami sa hangganan ng mataas na lugar sa aming paaralan. nakita ko siya! nakita niya ko! at nagkatinginan kaming dalawa! haha. pero mailap ang pagkakataon. dahil umuulan at basang basa siya. (kawawa naman!) kaya ayun! naiwan ko siya, pero malikot talaga ang pagkakataon. tumakbo siya at nakasabay namin siyang maglakad kaso nga lang.. nauna siya ng konti. tapos nung nandun na kami sa hangganan ng waiting shed, at nang nagtapat na ang aming landas bigla na lang siyang nagsalita ng.. "hi." shhhheet! kilig na kilig si ate gila at allysa! haha! ayun lang!

KILLJOY. haha!

anyone else.

here i am again. mali yung time ko dito sa blog so mamaya babaguhin ko siya. bagong layout! yay!! magcelebrate! hehe. wala kasi akong mgawa, nainggit ako sa blog no jea kaya binago ko din ung akin. (uu nga. inggitera ako!) medyo nakakasawa din baguhin ng baguhin e. kaya siguro magtatagal ang layout kong to. anyway highway, wazzup my day! i woke up at 9 in the morning dahil kila GILA AT INYE!! arrrgh! may muta muta pa ko nung nakita nila ko. hehe! pero ayos lang, nakarecover agad ako! at ayun, they typed their resume here. then, konting net at nang nareceive namin ang text ni ally na nasa festi na sila, ayun. lumarga na kami. tapos nagfesti na kami. wala naman ako masyado ikkwento.. dun sa mga nag-aabang dyan:

im not ready yet to make my statement.

ddeeeddd.

just want to share a few things i encountered today:

si kuya rommel sikat na! naku pag nakita niya to sure ako na ang sasabihin nia ay.. "wala e. sikat na ko," yaaabbaaang! heheh. pero namimiss ko si kuya rommel. yung tipong pag senti mode ka, lalapit siya at.. i-enlighten niya ang isip mo sa word of god. ibang klase! magpapakita din yan! sa finals ng PLMun pop idol! =)

si inye. ang nagpapasaya sa gloomy kong everyday life. (wag kang magselos pare, babae din yan!) hehe. napakasimpleng bading nitong tao na to. wala akong masabi. siya pa lang ang bading na nakita kong pag unang glance, hindi mo mapaghahalataan na bading. isang malaking SAYANG to!

un lang muna ishare ko. kulang pa yung pic e!

hello =)

guys! im ok. ok?

dont worry about me dahil hindi naman ako magpapakamatay. it's so natural na magbreak kayo ng boyfriend mo for how many years. and i can say, im ok. stop asking me that if im okay kasi ok ako! what's the big fuss about it!! im ok, ok?!

i just want to cry this stuff overnight. and i want to cope up with it overnight.

just please stop asking about it.. kasi, sinisira niyo lang mood ko. ok.

hope that clear things up.

thank you.

fair-weather friend.

i have the most inconsistent life ever. i had the most inconsistent friends. inconsistent family. and very inconsistent boyfriend.

incosistent friends.as they say, who are your friends is who you are. ganun ba talaga yun? no no. inconsistent ako in OTHER WAY. pero not as a friend. lemme compare my friends before, and my friends now. when i was in high school, i totally believe na immature ako mag-isip. i've proven it. so, lahat ng decisions ko, sablay. from small problems to big problems. kaya hindi basta basta ang high school para sa akin. napakalaki ng nagawa ng high school life ko sa buhay ko ngayon. i have my "reel friends" by then. if they're reading this. im sure na magagalit sila sa akin without asking me why. without even telling me that they read this. that's the way it goes. as i was saying, reel friends in terms of problems. in terms of siding to the truth. and in terms of friendship. im not expecting a lot of them though. lalo na ngayon na magkakalayo kami, the less i expect na they will be there. there are a lot of instances na nasubok ko friendship ko sa kanila and vice versa. first, i thank them for this situation. it was when one of my friends, close friends i should say, did something wrong to me. it was a small mistake anyway, ang pagkakaalam ko, but it did grew so big na talagang sinumpa ko siya. i cried everyday especially na kaklase ko silang dalawa. i cried because hindi ko kaya yung pain na nararamdaman ko and it was so much new to me. noon lang ako nasaktan ng sobra sobra. and i was in my junior year. sa akin sila nag-side. siguro kasi alam nila kung gaano kasakit at gaano kabigat na makaranas ng ganun. and i thank them for that. and no doubt about it. the next test was when we were at our senior year. kaya minsan hindi ko rin masasabi na masaya ang high school life ko. maraming nagbigay sa aken ng traumatic experience. the next was when they knew about what i did. yung nagloko ako. and it involves one of our closest friend. ngayon lang ako mageexplain ng sobra sobra. alam ko kasi hindi sila ganung maniniwala sa akin. they think na niloko ko yung boyfriend ko, which was that time. we were so past out. sobrang labo. they think na niloko ko yung friend nga namin. i have no plans of explaining myself to them actually. pero it involves my life with them inside the classroom. so, nag-explain ako. i know them too much na sa tingin ko, hindi sila naniniwala saken. i know them too much na sa tingin ko, pinaplastic lang ako. and i passed it by. the next test, was when the graduation day is fast approaching. it was when my fcukin boyfriend had a third party WHO was one of our closest friends. it did lasts for few months. pero, pinapabayaan ko lang. i want to take action pag alam kong naagrabyado na ko. and it did happen, the confrontations. and guess what? all they can say is.. "ganun?" they dont even ask the stupid girl kung anong nangyari.. and pinagbabati pa kami. they were not on my stand. kaya wala silang alam. ngayon lang ako nagsalita because this is too much. yes. its too much.

i love them. there's no doubt about it. il do everything just
for them. pero hindi sa lahat ng oras ikaw ang magiintindi sa kanila. hindi na
kami mga bata para sa simpleng tampuhan ay iiyak ka. para sa simpleng dahilan ay
isusumpa mo sila. learn to think as deeply as you can. hindi laging may
magpapaubayang mag-iintindi at tatanggapin na lang lahat ng gusto ng bawat isa.
isipin mo muna kung ano ang magiging epekto ng isang ugali sa samahan. gusto
niyong tumagal tayo. pero hindi kayo gumagawa ng paraan para tumagal tayo.

what i want..

until now, hindi ko pa rin alam sa sarili ko kung ano nga ba ang gusto ko sa buhay ko. i always think ahead naman. pero magulo pa rin. as of the moment, marami akong gustong gawin. marami akong gustong bilhin. marami pa. pero, wala pang consistent na sagot.

in life.who doesnt want a perfect life? pero ako kasi simple lang talaga ang gusto ko sa buhay.

• i want my own house. with 2 carparks. and a swimming pool.maniwala kayo sa hindi, mahaba pa ang plano kong maging single. hindi dahil ayoko sa lovelife, kundi dahil plano ko talagang maging single sa tanang ng buhay ko. highschool pa lang ako, may boyfriend o wala. yun talaga ang plano ko.
• i want to take up PH D in near future.kahit pa matagal pa yan, ang importante gusto kong maging doktor! hehe. in taking doctorate degree, 5 years to 7 years ang panahon bago ka pa maging doktor. and sa mga medical school lang talaga pwede mag-aral nun. so, maghihirap ako!!
• if and only if possible.. i want to live outside the country.nung highschool talaga ko, nag-promise ako na pupunta talaga ko sa ibang bansa para dun ako tumira. sarap sarap kaya dun. mahal ang bigas dito, mahal ang gasolina!
• i want to have 3 kids.kids lang. no husband. hehe..

others are secret na. too personal na kasi. hope you understand =)

first post.. again.

first post ko na naman. haha. as you can see i created a new blog again. i deleted all my blogs last summer. wala naman kasi akong maikwento and at the same time, tinamad ako. kaya ngayon na pasukan ulit, naghanap ako ng new blogsite na pwede ko ulit pagdiskitahan. and i found this! malas lang. hehe. now im breaking the tradition na walang topic sa first post. ngayon, meron na! =)
today's topic. life. at dahil emotionally stable ako at the moment, makakapg-emote ako tungkol sa buhay ko.
im contented na sa life ko as of the moment. ayoko na kasi na hassle na everyday life. yung tipong kahit wala dyan, pinipilit mo pa rin na magkaron ka. and the end of it.. manghihinayang ka lang na ginawa mo yun. sabi nga nila, nsa huli ang pagsisisi. im contented in a way na, gusto ko ganto na lang siya. na sana walang mabago. for the better man niyan o ano. selfish ako in a way na ayokong maging complicated ang buhay ko sa mga upgrades na mangyayari. immature thinking ika nga. pero immature ba ang nag-iisip ng assurance para huwag ma-complicate ang buhay ko? if that's the case. im immature.

next. love. syempre hindi mawawala =)
if not so anybody knows.. im attached with my guy for almost 3 years now. first reaction, wow. bihira lang ba ang tumatagal na relationship ngaun? hehe. in every relationship, syempre there are things, sometimes people for you to get stronger and sweeter and.. makes you think wider. sabi nga nila, trust and honesty makes a relationship lasts a lifetime. trust? i slightly disagree. lemme tell you a story about one of our major fight at the past years. natural lang daw sa lalaki ang magloko. natural in a simple reason na.. "lalaki lang kami." know what i mean? and i think that explains kung ano ang cause ng away namin. there's a girl involved ang she was my friend of mine. during that time, when i found out that fcukinshit, syempre normal feeling of a girlfriend. nagalit. to both of them. i cried so hard and i cried every night. we didnt break up. but the thought na nagawa niya saken yun, enough na yun to make my world collapsed. we didnt have a confrontation. and my boyfriend didnt want to talk about it. and i was cool with that. kasi the more na malaman ko, baka magpakamatay na ko. that issue passes by.. and passed by. what i want to tell is. until now, my boyfriend knows. i didnt trust him until now simula nung nangyari. loving is such a mundane idea in a relationship. but trust and loyalty. tsk tsk tsk. yan dapat ang hindi nawawala!
you cant love the person that you cant trust. as they say.

wah! 2 am na pala. ive got to go =)
bukas ulit.